a Turk, a Dirk and a jerk

The Spurs are easily one of the more boring teams to watch in the league. In the unlikely event that there is a Spurs fan reading this, I also admit that your team is the best right now.
*grrrrr...*
But this guy Brent Barry and his quips are undeniably entertaining.

I've been wanting to write about this for a while but it kept slipping my mind. On Spurs' opening night, I watched a clip of Barry conducting a spoof talk show, along with Tony Parker. It was just a brief clip but was funny as hell. I did a quick search and found an account of the evening on MySA.com.

The highlights:

•Tim Duncan played a Crucian shaman, who, like the old Johnny Carson character, Carnac the Magnificent, could mysteriously guess the answer to a question in a sealed envelope.
Parker to Timmy: Hedo Turkoglu, Nowitzki and P.J. Carlesimo.
Timmy's reply : A Turk, a Dirk and a jerk?

•Bruce Bowen playing a floppy-haired cowboy lawyer for the law office of Bowen & Bowen. Bowen's character, patterned after the local Wayne Wright commercials, used the slogan, "I Will Defend You."
One of the testimonials for Bowen's firm was from a Ray A.: "I'll say this much — he's cheap."

•A slide show of Beno Udrih's training-camp trip to France. Every picture showed him sitting and, as Parker told the crowd, "doing nothing."261262

•A "Behind the Music" episode for grunge hero Fabricio Oberto. Manu Ginobili played Oberto's manager/butcher. Sean Elliott was a crazed, jerry-curled fan named Jermaine.

(Oberto and grunge? haha)
(Ginobili playing a butcher? how apt!)

A few other Brent Barry quotes come to mind:
•"I'd give my right hand to be ambidextrous"

•"I was going to wear a T-shirt that said 'White Men CAN Jump', but I didn't want to burst anyone's bubble." (after Barry won the slam dunk competition)

Combined with the fact that he kissed (eek!) David Stern, as Bill Walton would say "Barry is the funniest guy in the history of this great sport".

PS : Talking of Parker, did you guys know that Eva Longoria and Beyonce are going to star together in a movie as lesbian lovers?
woot!
I first read of this on benchrenaldo and thought it was a rumor. But Conan O'Brien mentioned it on his show tonight, so I guess this is for real. Now to work on getting that ugly image of Parker kissing Jay Z, out of my head. ugh!

Somebody kill this guy!

Manu Flopinobli has clearly lost a step and a patch of hair but he seems to have decided to make up for that with dirtier-than-ever play. Last year he derailed Barbosa's good season by flopping onto his knees and injuring the poor kid. Manu has taken his fake-show further by attacking more crucial players in the opposition this year. He flopped into Nash first and then took it further by digging his flailing arms into Raja Bell's ribs as he flopped. Raja - one of the toughest guys on our team lay motionless on the floor for a brief while before being helped to the bench. He didn't return to play in the game.
The diagnosis: Raja has a rib cartilage injury and is doubtful for the next couple games.

Hope Gino-pussy is happy now. NOT COOL !

Full disclosure
I have to acknowledge the fact that Raja is a flopper too. He's said so himself. But its one thing to flop to the floor but totally different when you flail your skinny arms in traffic and throw elbows. Flopinobli has had a history of not just flopping, but also folding on the opposing player, thereby inflicting injury to the latter.
If it happens once, I'd agree it was an honest mistake. But this freak has been flying around arenas like a projectile, hitting and injuring numerous guys for the past few years.
To think I used to liked this guy's play, even when he killed the Suns in the WCF in 2005. sigh..

I'll pay anyone who breaks that penguin beak he has for a nose.

M

How to lose when your opponent wants to as well

Last night, the Suns demonstrated how to suck misery out of prosperity. It was one more of their horrible games this season, squandering a 6 pt lead late in the game.

The defensive effort was patchy at best, with Fabricio Oberto setting a Spurs franchise record shooting a perfect 11-11 from the field. Huh? Oberto!?!? That guy whose top score last season was 10? The same guy whose career high score is 12? The same frikkin' guy who Popovich called the 'most productive ugly player' ever?

Suns-the Kingmakers
-The Suns made it look like Oberto was unguardable -- only they did so by not guarding him at all. Give me a freaking break now. A career scrub makes 5-5 and still Mike Antoni couldn't make an adjustment to shut him down for the rest of the game? Antoni has never displayed an ability to make in-game adjustments and Oberto's career numbers last night bear that out.

-And then there was this guy called Nazr Mohamed who Poppovich didn't give a rat's ass about when he left the Spurs to sign with the Pistons. Nazr has averaged 9.6/7 in his uneventful 8 year career and has done nothing to merit attention as a legit post threat. Enter the Suns in the 2005 playoffs. They had to make him look good at any expense. Who can stop the Suns when they make up their mind?
Result : Nazr had a career night scoring 30/16 in one of the Western Conference Finals games.

You're a high octane offense and all that but for God's sake why don't you guys get a few defensive stops when you have a frikkin 9 point lead against the Spurs? Is it that hard to play decent defense? Gaaawd!!

Save for Tony Parker, the Spurs played pretty badly for most of the game. When Raja missed a free throw that could've potentially won the game, Ithinkisoiledmyself.
*drops head in shame*
To their credit, the Spurs played like champions in OT to send the Suns packing.

I've got to say the Suns earned the defeat though.

M