Sunday, November 05, 2006

Million dollar buttocks

OK, Suns faithful -- we've lost two in a row now and our record stands at 1-3. So what? Now, how often have the Suns had a strong start to a season? That's right. The Clippers are a premier team in the West and they literally molested us in Staples Center. The Suns are still trying to figure out a number of things - substitutions, lineups to use, the new Amare, the fat Diaw and so on.
That's it! I'm done trying to sound all reassured about this team.

By now, everyone must have noticed the marked Steatopygia in Diaw. Who stuffed his 45 million dollars in his derriere? Or is it 45M worth of croissants and donuts? Somebody needs to get on his ass and stop him before his badonkadonk becomes a distraction.

Memo to Donut Diaw

In light of your newly enlarged gluteus maximus, we would like to bring to your notice the fact that the spot of 'fat ass' in the frontcourt has already been taken by Kurt Thomas. Further, considering that our hitherto dominant Amare is playing like a pussy (thanks to a few holes drilled in his knees), we request that you work your posterior back into shape or Coach D'Antoni will have to resort to scare-tactics like starting three 6 footers, further disgracing this ball club.

Memo to Kurt Thomas
In light of Diaw's enlarged rear quarter, we would like to warn you that there is renewed interest and hence competition for the starting 'fat ass' position. We would also like to remind you that though you stand 6'9" tall, you are required to get your leaden feet off the ground to collect rebounds as opposed to standing at the post and lapping up uncontested rebounds all the time. Also, please practice what is called in basketball parlance as dunking. Its a disgrace to have your shot blocked in the dying minutes of two games in a row.

Memo to Coach D'Antoni
Until we see any signs of an attempt by your team to play DEFENSE, you will be referred to as Antoni.
Please, PLEASE start running the pick and roll with Nash and Amare.

Memo to Amare
Quit playing like a wuss. If your current playing style continues, we will be forced to replace your 'Black Jesus' tattoo with the words 'Black Burke'.


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